Wednesday, 1 December 2010

The Best Movember Moustaches

Movember is over. Time to get the razors out, moustache men, and be back clean shaven to the cricket. Unless you like to look like an unkempt drunk.

I was at first slighty bewildered by the excessive amount of moustached men appearing, but now I think it's time to examine the best of all. After all, as men must know, growing proper moustaches is an art. If you only manage to grow a stubble, you're a horrible amateur.

So here are the nominations and the eventual winner:

Kevin Pietersen

Expected he'd be the first one to send his picture in. Clearly trying to gain a new nationality by appearing as French hotel receptionist. Lost; too creepy. Besides, bathroom pictures don't count.

Peter Siddle

Aha, our first Aussie. And clearly he didn't get the concept behind Movember. Siddle Widdle, you were supposed to grow a bloody MOUSTACHE not a little pencil stub of a beard. And before I disqualify you on the grounds of not adhering to instructions, I'll remind you that vampires are seriously old-fashioned.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni

Too much of an ordinary style, messy stubble but nice white teeth. The latter isn't a bonus point though, so you're out. Next.

Ben Hilfenhaus

Judging by the German-like name appearance, I had expected a trademark Hitler moustache but he's just given me the facial hair of a young lad. I'm unimpressed.

Mitchell Johnson

Well, that's nice of you to pose so professionally Mitch, but I'm hopelessly scatterbrained. What are you smelling? Did Ricky just go up in flames?

Dale Steyn

Too deceptive. He's been keeping the same thing on his face since ages; a moustache that seems like it's becoming a moustache but doesn't look like a moustache altogether. How can I possibly let you win if I'm not even sure whether that's a real moustache or one still growing?

Ricky Ponting

Ricky, we all know you don't like to shave. Don't try to demonstrate this facial hair chaos was there for the Movember event.

No winner so far. Oh wait, I've just got an interesting one in. It's Little Stuey. He really thinks it's going to work, doesn't he?
Sorry, but this is cheating Broady. To have a moustache, you need to become a real grown up man first. Disqualified.

Seems like I will need to call the competition off. Oh no, wait, because here's Merv Hughes. Now if that isn't a gigantic walrus monster of a moustache, clearly the winner. And yes, I know he had it since the day he was born, but because he kept it during Movember, he is considered legitimate for winning the competition.
Three trucks of moustache dye for you, mate.


Anonymous said...

Love Broad's 'tache! She can only dream of such things, but I'm sure she appreciates your efforts.

I'm not sure Ponting's lack of shaving ability really counts, though, mate.

Stani Army said...

Where's mine? :(( (That's me sad...with a tache by the way)

Merv used Miracle Gro (TM) on his.

I suppose it's not fair on Broad as he hasn't entered puberty yet eh?

So, do you girls wax or thread?

sunny said...

I'm telling you Sid, (s)he's already gone all goofy about the idea. Planning to buy one like I made, golden streaks and all.

Do you even have a tache Stani? And the thing was open to cricketers ONLY, so, sorry.

What do you mean wax or thread? Ladies don't get taches or beards, hah! You can ask your mom.

bettiwettiwoo said...

KP: French hotel receptionist or Dad's Army? I'd say latter.