Saturday, 11 September 2010

Operation Revenge KP

Dear Saffers,

Opportunity of vengeance has been thrown our way. All those years we waited for the crook who left Safferland to show up again (and alone, without the Queen’s guards), and now he will. Yes, repeat that: all alone. Slowly lick your lips at this enticement and unleash the Hannibal in you. Figjam is coming back.

You didn’t expect it, did you? And since I’ve told you the big news (shut up, news sites don’t count), I am going to tell you how we will carry out our ‘Big Operation Revenge Kp’. Oh yes, it should be a gigantic, big, and fearsome one.

First, you need to reach the heights of abhorrence for Figjam. That you do by recollecting all what’s there to hate about him; like him leaving SA, blaming the quotas, trying to become a Pom and eventually ending up with an inflated egohead so big he could drift down the Mississippi River with it. If it still doesn’t work, you can go and take some counselling in KP-hate from mspr1nt. I’m sure she’ll help you out.

Okay, then we come to the poster making. We’re all going to make big posters in which we cleverly welcome Kp so he thinks we’re glad to have him back, and that way he won’t run back. And then when we have him, we’ll attack. I’m putting my poster up here first so you can get an idea:

 After that we invite him over to a tea party (where we tell him we offer very very English tea), after which we hem him in and then....ATTACK! See, so very simple and uncomplicated.

If you have some unfinished business with our dear Figjam, you send us an email at, tell us the details of why you want to take revenge, and you’ll get a ticket to the tea tavern. Last date for entries is 20 September, so make sure you don’t miss out on this life-time opportunity!

Disclaimer: We don’t take any responsibility for excessive violence. You will serve your verdict in jail yourself.


Stani Army said...

I hear he's trying to get his three lions tattoo removed. If he can't, he's gonna scribble over it with a permanent marker before every game in case someone sees it beneath his short sleeved shirt.

You have any tattoos Sunny? You know, of Smithy or someone?

sunny said...

Stani you seem to know so much about KP that it's a bit suspicous. Are you KP's agent maybe?

Me tattoos? And one of Smithy? You're out of your head Stani, you're out of your head.

Stani Army said...

I'm hypersensitive...I notice things that regular folk miss. There are no conspiracies, that's the truth.