Sunday, 21 November 2010

AB, the Umpires and Biff's Brain

AB scored 278 today. Well. Well, well. 278 might look an ordinarily excellent score but not if you take the story of the two blind umpires and the one of selfless Biff in account. Because now it's become almost a fairytale.

The story is one where on the first day of the second Test, two old men responsible for surveillance of play on the field turned blind. Just blind, all of a sudden, and I can tell you the Basilisk wasn't slithering around anywhere. Because of this AB didn't get out twice when he should have been, and so he decided it was time to get out a bulldozer and flatten the tiring Stani bowlers to crushed cornflakes. Stani fans now think the time has come to dump Umpire Asoka in some Chilean mine and don't inform the rescuers about it.

Alright, he was a lucky lad, but about 200 runs followed in which he was just bloody brilliant, everything made even more brilliant by Gul involving in conversational skills unknown to mankind. Thank you Gul, thank you AB, thank you Mike Haysman.

Nothing was over, however. AB made 150, 200, 250, oh boy, it just wasn't enough. AB was running on the galaxies with Bolton owned Nike sneakers and all around it was raining lollipops. Then they called him for tea and AB didn't want to bat anymore, but the all-wise Boofus Biff said 'Damn that rubbish. You're going to play, break my record and allow my goodness to prevail.'
So AB went out and did it. The 300 was in sight...nearly there...and then the lights went out.

Okay, can anyone now explain to me the workings of Boofus Biff's brain? Don't worry, I'm prepared for a very complex evaluation. Or maybe I'm not, so here's what I think. See, if you know the Saffer cricket watching folks you'll know plenty of them don't really like Biff. Biff doesn't like that either, and he's got his reasons because they'll just blame him for everything. Even if he scores a thousand runs, and the team loses he's a brainless calf with a square head. Today was thus the opportunity to spread some love and show he doesn't care about his milestones and let AB get it. It was still generous and most unScroogelike I'd say.

As to about not letting AB get to 300; I don't know. It really wasn't a matter of 3 or 5 overs dictating the match's result, so according to me it was plain brainlessness. Strangely, AB said
he was a happie chappie with what he got and didn't look ahead to the 300. Yes AB, we all know you're a team man, but come on, we really could have done with a Saffer getting 300. It kinda sucks seeing none of our batsmen have got more than 278 while Lara's got 400 and the rest 300 plusses. The shame of it.


Stani Army said...

Biff's brain? Biff's fingers Sunny! Poor sod keeps breaking them. It must be a nightmare when he has to eat...I'm assuming he uses his hands and doesn't just dive in with his mouth.

Waiting for him to get 300 would have been a girly thing to do. Like how you girls choose cars just because of their colour. Biff already allowed him too stay out there for the record so it would have been very unprofessional to let him stay for 300...something he may not have even reached. 278 not out sounds nice anyway.

And quiet about the Chilean mine'll alert the authorities.

By the way, he does look Chilean doesn't he? :) Good one.

sunny said...

I should have known before writing this post. But seriously, his hand and finger fragility is almost ridiculous; I've never known someone to break them more.

Wait, who said we choose 'em just because of their colour? I'd never get myself a pink one even it were a Ferrari.
Agh no Stani, 278 doesn't sound nice, it's too long. Just saying a triple goes so much better.

Asoka Chilean? That bloke has his own world you know. ;)