Wednesday, 24 November 2010

The Ashes Mentals

By now the Poms and Aussies are in bed, agitatedly snoring and dreaming of little urns, because tomorrow is an important day. Tomorrow as the first ball will about to be released from the hand of a currently unknown bowler, specks of dust on the Brisbane pitch will be unsettled and sniff the leather of the red object, the movement of it will be most majestical and seemingly eternal. Better than statues dancing in Athens. Better than the slow-motion crap they have in sci-fi movies. It will be divine.

So I thought I may write a preview for these heavenly moments to happen.

M- Match: Bloody hell, don't you dare ask what match it is. It is the first match of the umpteenth Ashes series between England and Australia at Brisbane in Australia on Earth. It would be a shame hadn't you known all of this stuff.

E- Dunno yet what this should stand for.

N- Nutjob Nostradamus: Among weird predictions I expect Swann to take on the field for Australia tomorrow as a solution for their spin problems, taking KP's wicket, and consequently giving Strauss a psychological breakdown. Vaughan comes as replacement skip and Ricky loves it. Oh boy, he surely does.

T - Total Bucks Worth: I'll settle for 8/10; I mean, the value of this match. After all it's the Ashes, and even as a neutral supporter you're compulsory to like them. And as a neutral supporter my brain is still thankfully intact from the paranoia of losing that these matches bring. Haha, bring it on folks.

A-Ass-Kicking Abilities

Australia: Win the toss, and then beg Siddle and Mitch to declare hell. A bit of a supportive idea for the younger blokes to do well is that a good Ashes series can make a permanent place, which is difficult considering many are still queueing for them. Yeah, even Marcus North is still standing in the line.

England: Many, many, many. Nice bowling, nice batting. They're already getting their stamping boots on.

L- Losing Proficiencies

Australia: Many wonderful opportunities, the best of a lifetime actually. Mitch just needs to get an e-card from his mom, Xavier Dorothy a nightmare debut, and Pup a hairline fracture. If Punter doesn't get a big one, it's looking bad for the Aussies. Humph.

England: KP's emotional batting traumas can be dangerous (and hopefully contagious), only Jimmy has bowled in Aussieland before and Strauss isn't as tough a cookie as Ricky is. Also, they might get too smug, cocky and over confident. And that might be the Aussie plan, aha.

S- Spectator Inspection

There are going to be GAZILLIONS of crazy people swarming the stadium and the Barmy Army is going to fire a few cannons. Boy, I'm hoping for a few throat grabbing incidents and field invasions too. A la World Cup 1975..or whenever we had one around those years.

You probably already guessed I'm not neutral, yes, I'm not exactly. I'm supporting the Aussies this time for the reasons that I see they might get crumpled and it's better to support the weak rather than the ruling bosses. Also supported the Poms last time around so now an Aussie turn. Fairness in life is good.

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