A Captain's Diary

Date: 24th of June, 2009

2 days before the Third Windies Test

03.30 am-
Bugger! Was dreaming of the 2008 England Test series when Johan stormed in. I asked him whether Jakes was snoring again, but he told me he had a nightmare where Harro tried to strangle him and asked me whether he could sleep on my bed. I told the scaredy-cat to sleep on the rug because I need the entire bed for myself. Then dreamt about the Centurion Test and Gingahead trying to fry me in onions. I will reconsider Johan’s selection for the next test now. He should by now seriously know the offence of disturbing a captain’s nap.

10.00 am
Whoops, I’m up! Thought I must be the first one at the table, but the boys had already breakfasted and were taking a dip in the pool. So much the better, I could munch a dozen nougat cookies and sausages without Corrie, the annoying spyshotter, noticing. So bad, at least Micky shared the same sentiments about food.

12.oo
Somersaulted from the jumper in the pool, but no one applauded my gymnastics and then I discovered the boys were nowhere. Only saw the water-refilling tank being pushed here, can’t say what their business was. Ah, whatever.

02.30 pm
Lunched and then went off for the training session. Corrie wanted to do push-ups so I said I would do surveillance of the boys. He asked me what the hell he was there for.

05.00 pm
Played footie and practised in the nets. Checked my twitter and OMG!!! I’ve got 31000 followers now! That’s one-third of Warnie! Did y’see that, you ostentatious football! Bwahaha...

07.45 pm
A rumbling tummy forced me to the kitchen, but couldn’t find my apple pie anywhere. Jakes must have pinched it, the fat tart. Seriously, leaving your food unlocked is like suicide these days.

"I know, Jakes, I know you love apple pie as well. But you just have to ask

me first, okay?"

08.00 pm
Got a phonecall from Albie. "When I’m getting a place, skip?" he asked. I felt like telling the moron he is only suited for pyjama cricket, but luckily his little Kepler got a dirty diaper and the call got shut. I’m going to honour that kid by putting him on my list of favourite Keplers. He will be the first one.

09.00 pm
Went up with the boys to the cinema room to watch Blood Diamond. It ended up in a fight; Dale wanted something more gory but Morne said he wouldn’t leave without knowing whether Cullen will now kill Bella in the new Twilight episode, and when Bouch quipped the vamp will chop her head off, it took us an hour before we could stop him crying. We settled for playing some cards in the end.

11.00 pm
Up to bed now. And oh yeah, I have to lock the door before Johan gets it in his head to sneak in again tonight.