Letter to the new Stani cap'n

To : Mr. Butt (not myself, the one half my size)
From : Mr. Butt (myself)
Topic : Captaincy letter

Before we get started with the serious business, allow me to remind you that we’re not related at all, which means I retain all the rights to harass you in whatever way. Remember that you are captain of the Pakistani national team now, and this is no joke. It’s more than a joke.

You’ve had a number of other captains as an example, so I’m not sending you a dossier of captaincy jobs. If your memory hasn’t cracked as yet despite the very turbulent but soon-to-be-solved-situations-by-me in Pakistan cricket, I’m sure you remember them. If you don’t, inform me now and I’ll appoint someone else. No one will even notice, after all, we change captains more frequently than our government does policies. And don’t assume I’m politically related.

Now please go and try to behave for a while together with that bunch of toddlers. You can do whatever you want except for quitting and crying because everyone’s fighting, and then disturb me. I’m going on an official holiday to Fiji for a few weeks and start yoga.

Regards.

(You can't blame me for any errors in the letter format because I'm not supposed to remember whatever I did at school.)