Wednesday, 30 June 2010

When The Stanis Got Caught: Part One

I can’t imagine what would happen if the police ever went to arrest the Stanis.
They’d probably all be sitting in Inzi’s house, watching Tom and Jerry on the telly and munching gol gapay when the cops break in.

Younis would hide under the pillows, K. Akmal would jump on U. Akmal’s lap Scooby-doo style, Asif would jump in the umbrella box (because he looks like one), Afridi would disappear under the rug and Malik busy singing in the bathroom would probably just drain himself through the gutter. Only Shoaib Akhtar will remain seated on the couch, grab the remote control and switch to HBO glad he’s finally rid of the bloody cartoons and can watch Hellboy. He’ll probably just be bored, because they’ve arrested him a dozen times before.

"Yeah, I'm telling you people, they only cost Rs. 5"

The fat constable who’s Ijaz Butt will forgive Inzy only because Inzy will make daal prathay buttered in fat for him and tell him where you can find four-storey kebab burgers with mustard for 5 rupees. The rest will be dragged out and thrown in a lorry used for chicken transport, and the cross-examination will begin. Of course the PCB will find everyone guilty in one way or the other.

Kamran Akmal because he got blind in the Sydney Test and never got an eye operation done.

Mohammad Aamer because 17-year-olds aren’t supposed to be playing cricket, they have to be studying like hell for matric examinations.

Shoaib Malik because he’s been biting everyone’s back and may be transmitting a contagious disease.

Mohammad Asif because he possessed drugs and didn’t give the PCB any for free.

Salman Butt because he dared have the same family name as Beefy Butt and is a possible usurper of the latter’s place.

Shoaib Akhtar because he’s been a rabble-rouser before and in all likelihood will become one again.

Shahid Afridi because he’s been appearing in too many commercials.

Umar Akmal because he’s defying Pakistani cricket traditions by being consistent and not a crazy slogger.

To know whether they suffered the same fate as King Louis XVI, wait for the next part. There has to be some suspense, you know.

The First Post

Hello, I’m little Louise Baker from across the street and I love to think and write, and therefore I will be blogging everyday. This is my first post. Hope you loved it!

No, seriously, I can’t do it that way.

Let us just not have a first post.

Oh dear. Now I have contradicted myself.