Draws can Suck and an Overview

Draws are like malaria on a holiday. Not always, but in this series which was the most momentous one of the Saffer season, it certainly was. This was the series I've been waiting for ever since the schedule was announced and this was the series where South Africa were supposed to chase away India from the number one spot. Statistically, or just in the way of acquiring that aura where you can walk around like untouchable overlords. Didn't happen then.

After this drawn match, it seems like both Indian and Saffer fans are massively pissed off. Because both India and South Africa have been gigantic bums by not playing bravely and going for a win instead. Admirable bravado like putting one's life at stake to save the empire would have been awesome. Really? I'm not sure. Neither wanted to lose, neither wanted to win, and they ended up drawing.

Barring the shame that the last day of the last test was, the series was actually very nice. And all nice things need to be looked at again.

Cricket doesn't want a Champ

I think cricket and I mutually have come to the point where we think a best team isn't required. Three series between India and SA since 2008, all drawn. Today I've proudly become a supporter of the Union to Preserve Cricket From a Waugh Aussie Team Forever. Join it brethren, for cricket's sake.

Jacques Kallis is not Stupid

Did I ever say he was stupid? No, because that'd be blasphemy for a Saffa cricket fan, but I won't make a secret of this that I find him a bit boring to watch and I've never been his greatest fan. But after this series, I tell you this: JACQUESKALLISISONEEPICBATTINGSAMURAI.
Yes people, and he is destined to usurp and overthrow SRT in batting greatness. Don't blame me for thinking so, Jakes convinced me he will.

Dale Steyn can Bowl

I bet you Ijaz Butt's insanity on it, he can. And he does it so well it's better than watching fighter jets do their airborne ballerina show on a national day.

There's something about Sreesanth

And it's more than him being the dancing, muttering crackpot he is. He managed to piss off someone like Boofus Biff, and above that he bowled well bar the first Test.

Other little overviews are:
* Ishant Sharma's hair. How he sees with it is a mystery.
* Twatthajan got 7 wickets in an innings.
* The Saffers and Indians tried a miserable form of sledging which was nearly as bad as the commentators we had this series. Shutting up- not that difficult.
* Virender Sehwag didn't have a good series at all. He's Dale Steyn's fat bunny rabbit.
* Boofus Biff didn't get anything more than a few 'confident starts' and he still is Zaheer Khan's even fatter bunny rabbit.
* Tsotsobe is an okay pacer but Harro needs to go for a spin rehab.
* Another drawn series means another wait for the next. Dammit.

The South African players wave you a hearty goodbye.

16th of December

The start of two whopping big Test matches is what made 16th of December so extra special. It was like having double cake on your birthday.

Until yesterday, Australia's share in the cake was a gooey mess, but today it looks lots more solid and better. In this post, it's onwards to the Safrican Test though, because I have to gloat.

What had we talked about so consistently before the series started? India's batsmen are usually crappy in Saffaland and Dalo and Morras have their bulldozers out already to crunch them like swooning daisies. Alright, such did happen. It feels a bit good to know predicting talk before the series came down to reality.

While I'm not going to deny the possibility of the Protea batsmen being tormented by a similar fate (it's a mean pitch, you know), the Indian batsmen did look in a clueless shambolic state. Not good when your batsmen weigh more than the bowlers in the team.

I missed most of the day, but I was there to witness Bhajji get run out in what is one of the unluckiest and satisfying ways I've seen. The rogue threatened to record his third ton, but hello, there was Boucher playing peekaboo. Through his legs, on the stumps. Bhajji dropped his bat in mere shock of the spectacle. I celebrated.

Bhajji gets a thumb up for his dismissal.

As for Lopsy, his day went in tatters. As a consolation, he ought to get the last wicket today.

That's it. Now I will go to see how Australia kick England around and later, the Saffers amass 400 runs.

Chins Up, Kiwis.

Yes, they may have lost this match by an innings, but how proud of a 1-0 Test victory over the Blackaps the Indians will be I don't know. The Kiwi boys however can dance like crazy Rumplestiltskins if they want (alright, a little jig would do, they didn't win it), because being just bestowed by the knowledge of having pulled of a feat which the Aussies weren't able to a month or so ago must feel good. Pretty good, actually. We're talking about the once invincible Aussies after all.



So the two good things the Blackaps did were the draws. The shit part, of course, was this match. Doesn't matter really, because if you know a bit how to throw numbers around you'll understand the good : bad = 2 : 1. Damn, how I just missed my math classes.



The best part of the entire series I already talked about, and with a half decent brain you'll remember it was Chris the bald Ninja doing his mojos and hadoukens and weird stuff when he rattled the Indians. Too bad Bhajji spoiled it. Now that we're talking of it, this Bluebearded criminal in my books got the man of the series award. Worst of all, he got it through his batting.



At least Dan got 4 wickets more than Bhajji in the series. Now that's at least some consolation.

(I had to post this yesterday, but internet problems busted my plan).

Harbhajan Singh, Spoiler of the Good

Just when you thought a Kiwi win was inevitable, an it it meagre chances of not happening seemingly rested alone on super brilliance by Waxman, Bhajji came on as unwanted saviour, scored his first maiden ton, and spoiled all the good fun a Blackap win would have brought.
The heartless bastard.

That he has been one big unbearable baddie since he invaded cricket is a well known thing, but meanness to the Kiwis is more unacceptable than Ramiz Raja's haircut.

And on top of it, the Indian selectors won't ever drop him now, probably. He may have been bowling rubbish, but with his ton he has indoctrinated folks enough for another 5 years that he is India's most recently discovered awesome batting sensation, while he clearly isn't. Time to throw the guy out.

It's Australia vs India. It's Epic.

It's those times of the year again when India will be playing Australia. Or Australia playing India.
Cricinfo tells you to 'whet your appetite' for this fantastic contest because this is going to more epic than Mickey Mouse killing Goliath. How many double tons will Tendulkar score? How many more times will Bhajji get Punter's wicket? Will Roy appear from beneath the pitch with his super human abducting machine and take his best friend to the Planet of Apes? Will we see Matthew Hayden in the commentary box?

Don't get too ahead of yourselves. Bhajji might not even play which means half of these events can't happen. Bhajji is such an influencing obnoxious weed that we need him everywhere for the grand entertainment.
Secondly, Ricky has emphasized that he wants these series to be played in the 'right spirit of cricket'.

"You've got to expect that it's going to be a fierce contest because you've got two very good teams playing international sport. But both teams will understand that they can't overstep the line. There's enough negativity around the world at the moment about international cricket that we have to do the best we can in this series to ensure that people want to watch the game again. There's no doubt that things have been tarnished a bit the last few weeks."

So that's Ricky for you saying he will have nothing to do with any monkey business. Cricket's life is at stake here so understand how crucial everything is.

"What? Me sledging? I don't even spit in my hands anymore, I've got a contract with the Pope you know."

I wonder how the Indians are going to deal with this. They might be getting a ton of inspiration and ideas from the Chennai Super Kings who won two trophies in one year. Be ready to see replications like these:

Playing like total SUPER kings.

Bhajji getting vicious

The match-fixing thing has enraged more than many, but Bhajji is filled with much vehemence in particular for bookies. So much actually that he is now issuing statements that brim with anger and tells you how the miscreants should be treated.


“I will slap any bookie who will come near me, big time.”


Slapping, as you all know is a specialty for Bhajji. And the cunning nuisance himself knows it; don’t you see the grimace in that phrase? ‘Haha, that really hurt you poor little Sree, didn’t it? Of course it did, you ran sobbing to Miss Preety, you little whinger. And now the whole world is scared of my slapping abilities thanks to your tears.’


That Bhajji has savage feelings for the bookies doesn’t concern me much, but apparently he is as violent towards his critics. Even more probably:


“I will cut off those fingers.”


I should lock my doors. What if Bhajji sees any of my criticism and gets it in his head to sneak in my house and cut my fingers? Will I still be able to write then?


I’d better make sure Mumbai keeps him involved by having him play for them. And give him some counselling too because Bhajji is getting dangerous. So dangerous we might need to hang posters around like these to warn unsuspecting people:



WARNING: Bhajji becomes Bluebeard!