Say Hello to Imran Tahir

Ladies and gents and chickens and hens, South Africa have just introduced their new and immaculately polished product. It's golden-sprayed at the top and is claimed to be a leggie.


It's called Imran Tahir.

You are very welcome to think that I'm a very late+lame advertiser or product introducer (I've never been a brick in marketing names. You're welcome to enlighten me), but that's probably because my other occupations have still not been reported to the police.

Anyhow, Imran Tahir.

I'm not going to delve into how bloody awesome he is, or the angles and peerless techniques of his bowling. It is enough to know that the Aussies are trying to kidnap him, so we are guarding him in a cage made of T-rex bones and the Boofus Biff himself keeps the keys with him. Ps- don't even try Ricky. The BB bites and doesn't even brush his teeth.

What I'm more interested in saying is that South Africa should actually play him now that they've let us all say hello to him. Does it feel great to say 'hello' to a new bloke only to later learn he's been locked away in some murky cellar? I think so not.
It looked slightly insane to play with three spinners against the Windies, and not because we reputedly only have doorknob-fiddlers. The idea behind it likely was to put the three of them under scrutiny. Not so stupid then, but none of them really failed. Robbie P will still be the guy having to move out, and probably because Botes thought he'd take a couple of wickets. Cunning robot.

The second thing about Tahir was him kissing the Protea badge, while he is a Stani. I'm very cockahoop about him playing for us, but he can keep those Figjammy works away from the public, else the public is going to think he's cocky and a traitor. And he doesn't look like a cocky traitor even though I'm massively opposed to his suspicious-looking dyed hair.

I thought you'd say hello to his wife too, who is also the reason why he's in the Saffa team

The Endless Confusion That Imran Tahir's Hair Creates

Imran Tahir has hair on his head. I'm sure you noticed.

But yesterday, before he left for India I noticed it's like electrocuted dry grass.
Why does it look like electrocuted dry grass?
Has Imran Tahir an over-obsession with hair gel?
Does Imran Tahir have an even greater over-obsession with hair dye?
Does Imran Tahir's hairdresser regularly treat porcupines as his clients?
Does Imran Tahir look in the mirror before he leaves his house?
Did Graeme Smith scare Imran Tahir by appearing in a ballet outfit at Shane Warne's musical?

You tell me.

Everything seems possible.

Hi, I have weird hair.

Our Mission Men for the CWC

Right, time we talked about this South African WC squad.

It isn't one of the sort which would send me screaming to Andrew Hudson's house with a bazooka in my hand, because there is some sanity in the selection. That, and I'm not really fond of killing people.

Mark Boucher isn't in it. Jakes didn't throw a tantrum this time, but in sad fairytale words, one of the three dreams of these two besties, to win a World Cup, is gone now. I feel for you Bouch, I know how it is when the villain sniggers at the end of the story.

The villain in question, Andrew Hudson, had brains enough to choose an extra wickie in the form of Van Wyk, just in case AB breaks his back.

The only uncapped player making it is Imran Tahir and seeing how much he's played in the series against India, he might remain uncapped. Excellent, and at his cost Robbie P might get a few games to play. South Africa are ready to this just because it portrays a kind of maverick genius when you leave your dream spinner with real talent for a bloke who can only bowl lollipops and shows his face in a cricket field once a year.

"Hello, I'm here to torture you all again."

And then they say Robbie P is there on 'merit'.

Seems like they also got really enough of Albie and although he's been crap since a while, I do feel for him. They have been treating him like a dead germ in the bathroom since a while now.

What really amazes me is that this is what 4 years of development to the next CWC has led to. An uncapped player, two domestic players who have played under 10 matches, and Miller who they persisted with, has been dropped. With some of this madness, we might actually win a World Cup.

But South Africa does look in a shaky shape.

And I don't know whether one needs to be happy or sad about that.

The entire squad:
Graeme Smith (capt), Hashim Amla, Johan Botha, AB de Villiers (wk), JP Duminy, Faf du Plessis, Colin Ingram, Jacques Kallis, Morne Morkel, Wayne Parnell, Robin Peterson, Dale Steyn, Imran Tahir, Lonwabo Tsotsobe, Morne van Wyk (wk)

SA Can Do With a Few Beatings

It's not that I enjoy beatings, it's just that a few occasional drubbings can be very good. Especially when it's scarily close to a World Cup.

Yesterday I luckily didn't turn into a spewing rageball because my brain considered it more worthwhile to consider what half-baked business South Africa actually did out there and what they could learn from it (and drubbings are for learning.)

First, it's better to admit that Yusuf Pathan was one effin ferocious King Kong out there who chucked South Africa into chaos. Cool dude and I'm glad he overshadowed his brother who I don't happen to like. Yeah, in the words of a smug Yusuf, get lost Irfan. It's my ass-kick time.

But now to our problems.

The squad combination was okay, finally Faf Du Plessis got a game and now he's even in the WC. Good guy and he's got a palindrome as a name. But when Smith will feel like fulfilling his damn dream of seeing a talented spinner like Imran Tahir play is apparently still open to speculation and might not be till the WC. Reeks of stupidity, give the bloke at least one bloody game.

When we dropped catches and got scared of balls racing to the boundary was where the tumble started. India took stunners in the field and there we were, letting no less than 3 catches go down. Jonty Rhodes is ashamed of you.

Botes was expensive again and gradually I'm getting assured he is a vulnerable to-be slapped bowler in situations like yesterday's match. Sorry Botes, but since those villains said you couldn't bend your arm a few degrees more, you've not been so very effective. And I don't like it.

The PP wasn't very funny either, and I assume they didn't take notes from the first two games. It's amazing why you always have to wait till the end to take it.
Morne was a rare consolation of the game and he even messed it up towards the end. But I'll blame Twatthajan for being so very capable of hitting sixes at times for it. Bah.

The WC squad is out too, but word on that later. The selectors have been playing tiddlywinks with it.