On One Win and Two Losses and Little Happiness

Right, I decided it's time to come out of my hiding.

Not that I was hiding in any case though, I mean come on, can you imagine me as a gigantic milksop becoming a recluse just because first the Saffers slaughtered themselves and then the Stanis crashed out too? Of course not.

I quite fancied the opportunity of spewing so many emotional tirades out here, but didn't have time for that. So instead I passed the week feeling like some really rotten egg. But now I have to talk about three things, here we go.

On India's Win Yesterday

I felt like a snotty curmudgeon.
But then those Indian players were such jolly nice fellows for dedicating this Cup to Sachin in their emotional outpourings and gustos, because then I could picture the more endearing reality of Sachin being the sole reason for India's win and Sachin floating around the stadium like a winged Cupid spreading love and goodness and all was well for me.

Plus, I could smugly think how South Africa has been the only team in the tournament to have beaten India, the WC champs, which makes us kind of better than the champs.

Plus, Gary Kirsten was Sachin's sidekick in winning the tournament and he's South African. We're absolutely getting him as our coach now, oh yes.

Plus, I grudgingly have to admit India were quite good. And because of the nice Indian people I know this win has slightly become more bearable. (But you really haven't, Harbhajan Singh.)

On Pakistan's Loss That Day

Why the hell didn't you take the Powerplay? Why the hell didn't you take the Powerplay? Why the hell didn't you take the Powerplay? Why the hell didn't you take the Powerplay?
Why the hell didn't you take the Powerplay? Why the hell didn't you take the Powerplay?
Who and what the hell do I believe? Rehman Malik, the people, stupid decisions?

On South Africa's Loss the Other Day

It went like this:
"Aaaah, we're winning this. Yes, 220, I'll take that, I'll take that....oh, Hash's gone..good work Biff and Jakes..NOoo...go, go AB....SHIT...I hate you for all eternity Faf...please, please, please, Botes and Peterson, I implore you..do BAT...another gone..noo...they're losing this...no they aren't....yes they are....shut up they aren't...YOU SHUT UP THEY ARE...and why am I watching this in a friggin hotel room where I can't even break the television? Damn, they've lost....right, hold back your tears Sunny, hold them back...there's other folks in the room..manoevre your way carefully out...go straight to the bathroom...now you can...WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN?"

But as usual, I forgave them.

And at the End

The World Cup is over, finally.
Bring on a 90-match torture of IPLling I say. YES.

Sachin Tendulkar- like King Arthur, Merlin the Wizard and a nice Hobbit.
So more like a fairytale character than a cricketer.

Ps- First comic will be coming out soon..and it's about the World Cup...

The Beauty of It All

I was supposed to be neutral in this game.

But then there were wild scenes of Lance Klusener and Allan Donald going bonkers.

 And Australia holding the cup in 1999 grinning like green frogs.

And again in 2003.

And again in 2007.

And then there was this disturbing image of Ricky fondling a fifth World Cup and kangaroos with bloodshot eyes jumping around the world, and at this moment my sanity returned.

Australia had to lose.

For the sake of cricket.

For the sake of a new champion.

For the sake of a Pak-India semifinal.

And maybe for the sake of seeing the World Cup being reflected in the swaying Head and Shoulders sponsored hair of Afridi, Kamran Akmal swooning at the beauty of the moment and Shoaib Akhtar chosing not to become a popstar in return.

Lovely.

Ps: Yes, no regular posting these days, I know. Just a little busy and might be away for the next couple of days as well..boohoo.

A Case of Errupting One's Brain

I'm high.
I galloped over galaxies in the sky
Where Indians were frying Nehra into a braai.

The stars melted into pots of gold,
Bronze statues of Robbie P stood everywhere,
A couple of Steyn ones were also near.

Rainbows came cascading down,
Illegal King Hash became the sun at dawn,
The world was glorious with a gold-tipped crown.

The load was great, my skull grew fissures.
There was kaboom and my brain spat out,
Tidbits of it on the wall.
But for a joy well fought,
A bit of brain less wasn't the end of it all.

Yusuf Pathan is linked to Beastiness

With South Africa winning there comes the natural inclination of turning all beasty and talking about the six pack abs of the muscled giant our team is. Don't laugh. They will smash your nose if you will.

But then I thought of what happens when you're beasty.

I think my mamma told me once a beast then comes to fetch you.

Something like Yusuf Pathan.

Who is actually a comparatively nice monster.

And looks like this.

They'll have him replicas of him in the market soon; furry beasts to be cuddled to death. Something which I'd gladly done if he had entirely butchered and conquered my poor Saffer boys today, and he nearly had.

Beast.

SA Can Do With a Few Beatings

It's not that I enjoy beatings, it's just that a few occasional drubbings can be very good. Especially when it's scarily close to a World Cup.

Yesterday I luckily didn't turn into a spewing rageball because my brain considered it more worthwhile to consider what half-baked business South Africa actually did out there and what they could learn from it (and drubbings are for learning.)

First, it's better to admit that Yusuf Pathan was one effin ferocious King Kong out there who chucked South Africa into chaos. Cool dude and I'm glad he overshadowed his brother who I don't happen to like. Yeah, in the words of a smug Yusuf, get lost Irfan. It's my ass-kick time.

But now to our problems.

The squad combination was okay, finally Faf Du Plessis got a game and now he's even in the WC. Good guy and he's got a palindrome as a name. But when Smith will feel like fulfilling his damn dream of seeing a talented spinner like Imran Tahir play is apparently still open to speculation and might not be till the WC. Reeks of stupidity, give the bloke at least one bloody game.

When we dropped catches and got scared of balls racing to the boundary was where the tumble started. India took stunners in the field and there we were, letting no less than 3 catches go down. Jonty Rhodes is ashamed of you.

Botes was expensive again and gradually I'm getting assured he is a vulnerable to-be slapped bowler in situations like yesterday's match. Sorry Botes, but since those villains said you couldn't bend your arm a few degrees more, you've not been so very effective. And I don't like it.

The PP wasn't very funny either, and I assume they didn't take notes from the first two games. It's amazing why you always have to wait till the end to take it.
Morne was a rare consolation of the game and he even messed it up towards the end. But I'll blame Twatthajan for being so very capable of hitting sixes at times for it. Bah.

The WC squad is out too, but word on that later. The selectors have been playing tiddlywinks with it.

Shahrukh Khan takes over South Africa

In what marked an important event yesterday, King Khan descended with his Bollywood troops in the Moses Mabhida Stadium, Durban to mark the entrance of Indians in the country since 150 years. It's important, we wouldn't have Hashim Amla playing for South Africa otherwise.

The whole concert and party thing was remarkably and confusingly big, so unless you have an incessant desire to cheer yourself up by some bash and noise, it doesn't make sense. Either this, or there's something fishy going on.

To lengthen the plot, I'll go with the latter.

Right, there is something fishy going on, and apparently it's to do with Evil Shah 'Rookh' Khan trying to take over South Africa.
Before your little King Khan fan guts start seething, allow me to present the proof.

First of all, Evil Shah Rookh Khan has bought our national hero Woogie Haircules for his KKR team and will automatically swing countless Saffers in his support that way.

Then, all was confirmed in the Bollywood concert we had yesterday after the Durbs game.

He started with an enthralling speech on the love between these two countries till it made the spectators' hearts bloom with euphoria and sentiment.



Then he encouraginly called JP by his side and learned him a few sledges in Hindi, to assault Sreesanth with.

 

Rusty slowly started losing his mind...



But the worst was yet to come. Poor naive Saffer cricketers were made to wear shiny belts and dance. Evil Shah Rookh Khan took great care to not wear one himself. Just look at the spectacle they made.

The villain was quite successful in the scheme considering the indoctrinated Saffers tweeted praises as soon as they could.

There's some other awful news too. AB learned from Shah Rookh Khan to sing in Hindi, and he sang Yeh Dosti. Friendship lyrics that are, how very very cunning.

Clearly SRK mistook AB's eyes for his ears.

Considering King Khan was able to cope with AB singing, we might be in for more atrocity. Don't choke yourself on popcorn when you see our popstar singing in one of the Khan's movies. He's AB and they'll just let him do about anything.

And before I forget, even our legend Ntini wasn't spared from the Khan's clutches.

That's a political handshake where one clearly means business. Run, Mackie, run.

Draws can Suck and an Overview

Draws are like malaria on a holiday. Not always, but in this series which was the most momentous one of the Saffer season, it certainly was. This was the series I've been waiting for ever since the schedule was announced and this was the series where South Africa were supposed to chase away India from the number one spot. Statistically, or just in the way of acquiring that aura where you can walk around like untouchable overlords. Didn't happen then.

After this drawn match, it seems like both Indian and Saffer fans are massively pissed off. Because both India and South Africa have been gigantic bums by not playing bravely and going for a win instead. Admirable bravado like putting one's life at stake to save the empire would have been awesome. Really? I'm not sure. Neither wanted to lose, neither wanted to win, and they ended up drawing.

Barring the shame that the last day of the last test was, the series was actually very nice. And all nice things need to be looked at again.

Cricket doesn't want a Champ

I think cricket and I mutually have come to the point where we think a best team isn't required. Three series between India and SA since 2008, all drawn. Today I've proudly become a supporter of the Union to Preserve Cricket From a Waugh Aussie Team Forever. Join it brethren, for cricket's sake.

Jacques Kallis is not Stupid

Did I ever say he was stupid? No, because that'd be blasphemy for a Saffa cricket fan, but I won't make a secret of this that I find him a bit boring to watch and I've never been his greatest fan. But after this series, I tell you this: JACQUESKALLISISONEEPICBATTINGSAMURAI.
Yes people, and he is destined to usurp and overthrow SRT in batting greatness. Don't blame me for thinking so, Jakes convinced me he will.

Dale Steyn can Bowl

I bet you Ijaz Butt's insanity on it, he can. And he does it so well it's better than watching fighter jets do their airborne ballerina show on a national day.

There's something about Sreesanth

And it's more than him being the dancing, muttering crackpot he is. He managed to piss off someone like Boofus Biff, and above that he bowled well bar the first Test.

Other little overviews are:
* Ishant Sharma's hair. How he sees with it is a mystery.
* Twatthajan got 7 wickets in an innings.
* The Saffers and Indians tried a miserable form of sledging which was nearly as bad as the commentators we had this series. Shutting up- not that difficult.
* Virender Sehwag didn't have a good series at all. He's Dale Steyn's fat bunny rabbit.
* Boofus Biff didn't get anything more than a few 'confident starts' and he still is Zaheer Khan's even fatter bunny rabbit.
* Tsotsobe is an okay pacer but Harro needs to go for a spin rehab.
* Another drawn series means another wait for the next. Dammit.

The South African players wave you a hearty goodbye.

CT Test 1st Day: Biff and Zak are BFFs

Nice score on the board by the end of the day, 234/4 looks reasonable, and again we have much to thank the man with the mop for it.

But wait, before we proceed there's something which needs to be addressed. Boofus Biff got out on 6 lbwued by Zaheer Khan. AGAIN. It's as if Biff has decided it's an inevitable process doomed to be repeated till eternity.

It's understandable that some bowlers have their bunnies, but Smith under no cirmumstances looks like one, hence it's ridiculous to call him one. Bunnies might get offended also.

Therefore, I think it'd better to say Biff and Zak are BFFs, oh entirely, they're always after each other. Surprisingly, Biff is often the more generous friend. He doesn't even try to play Zak well, saying before the series he doesn't make a special plan for facing him.
That's something only the genius of Biff can decide- when being crap at something you just continue with it until you've reached bottom level. And then you can't get any worse.

Among other big news, MSD finally, finally won a toss before preparing to enter another toss drought. At least he's making improvements compared to Biff.

Sree also took two wickets today. When Sree takes wickets, I feel it's time he got devoured to piranhas, particularly when he only has to take them against South Africa.

Second Test, Durbs: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I'm late, I know.

But I couldn't have gone without posting a single thing about the Durbs test, so here it is. I sometimes really make it incumbent on myself to do unnecessary things.

The Good:

We had a result. And we had a good, tight game. When 228 is the highest innings score in the match, you get the picture.

Cape Town is at least not going to be a dead rubber (how very exciting).

Dravid took 200 catches and momentarily took the spotlight from SRT.

I had a day off from watching cricket.

The Bad:

Twatthajan and his wickets. Obnoxious he steadily grows, day by day.

The umpires. Three decisions they messed up and it is rumoured Umpire Davis had consumed a bit too much booze. Honestly.

The creepy thing at Durbs still exists for the Saffers.

The Ugly:

This.

The Hair of Jacques Kallis: Part 1

We all know what a little confidence can do. We all know what a little change can do.

Put them together, and voila, you have a previously unattainable result.

In the case of Jacques Kallis, South African over-sized, chicken pasta devouring legendary batsman, the confidence and change hid themselves in the form of the mop of brown hair that now resides on a previously balding head. (Admittedly, it's still balding, ask the blokes who treated him for a hair transplant).

Kallis played 142 Tests before this one, never got a double. He's back for his 143rd with a new hairstyle and he does. Don't be simplistic and blame it on coincidence, because I don't take coincidence just like that. Among other constant factors the hair was the only change so it MUST be responsible for the score of 201*. My vague studies of science suggest that, so it must be true.

There's also the legend of hair-power of course. Samsonhair gives you extra power. Elvis Presley hair will turn you into a powerful maniac capable of conquering Jupiter in one day. And Shahid Afridi hair will get you a million contracts with shampoo advertisers.

Time to get a mop on that head, bald men.

The man with the mop conquers the world.

16th of December

The start of two whopping big Test matches is what made 16th of December so extra special. It was like having double cake on your birthday.

Until yesterday, Australia's share in the cake was a gooey mess, but today it looks lots more solid and better. In this post, it's onwards to the Safrican Test though, because I have to gloat.

What had we talked about so consistently before the series started? India's batsmen are usually crappy in Saffaland and Dalo and Morras have their bulldozers out already to crunch them like swooning daisies. Alright, such did happen. It feels a bit good to know predicting talk before the series came down to reality.

While I'm not going to deny the possibility of the Protea batsmen being tormented by a similar fate (it's a mean pitch, you know), the Indian batsmen did look in a clueless shambolic state. Not good when your batsmen weigh more than the bowlers in the team.

I missed most of the day, but I was there to witness Bhajji get run out in what is one of the unluckiest and satisfying ways I've seen. The rogue threatened to record his third ton, but hello, there was Boucher playing peekaboo. Through his legs, on the stumps. Bhajji dropped his bat in mere shock of the spectacle. I celebrated.

Bhajji gets a thumb up for his dismissal.

As for Lopsy, his day went in tatters. As a consolation, he ought to get the last wicket today.

That's it. Now I will go to see how Australia kick England around and later, the Saffers amass 400 runs.

Chins Up, Kiwis.

Yes, they may have lost this match by an innings, but how proud of a 1-0 Test victory over the Blackaps the Indians will be I don't know. The Kiwi boys however can dance like crazy Rumplestiltskins if they want (alright, a little jig would do, they didn't win it), because being just bestowed by the knowledge of having pulled of a feat which the Aussies weren't able to a month or so ago must feel good. Pretty good, actually. We're talking about the once invincible Aussies after all.



So the two good things the Blackaps did were the draws. The shit part, of course, was this match. Doesn't matter really, because if you know a bit how to throw numbers around you'll understand the good : bad = 2 : 1. Damn, how I just missed my math classes.



The best part of the entire series I already talked about, and with a half decent brain you'll remember it was Chris the bald Ninja doing his mojos and hadoukens and weird stuff when he rattled the Indians. Too bad Bhajji spoiled it. Now that we're talking of it, this Bluebearded criminal in my books got the man of the series award. Worst of all, he got it through his batting.



At least Dan got 4 wickets more than Bhajji in the series. Now that's at least some consolation.

(I had to post this yesterday, but internet problems busted my plan).

Harbhajan Singh, Spoiler of the Good

Just when you thought a Kiwi win was inevitable, an it it meagre chances of not happening seemingly rested alone on super brilliance by Waxman, Bhajji came on as unwanted saviour, scored his first maiden ton, and spoiled all the good fun a Blackap win would have brought.
The heartless bastard.

That he has been one big unbearable baddie since he invaded cricket is a well known thing, but meanness to the Kiwis is more unacceptable than Ramiz Raja's haircut.

And on top of it, the Indian selectors won't ever drop him now, probably. He may have been bowling rubbish, but with his ton he has indoctrinated folks enough for another 5 years that he is India's most recently discovered awesome batting sensation, while he clearly isn't. Time to throw the guy out.

All Hail the Kiwis and Chris Martin

Before the series between India and the Blackaps started, I thought of doing a post requesting the Indians to be a bit generous to the Kiwis and beat them gently if they will. I had a presentiment that after the disastrous tour to Bangladesh, the Kiwis would end up as mustard midgets at the hand of India and Daniel Vettori would run crying to Geneva to start his life as an evil scientist in recluse.

But today we were shown that goodness is bestown on the good. The Kiwis are noble folks, they rarely thrash anyone and they won the ICC Spirit of Cricket Award twice in a row. Yes, it's true, and if you are still not convinced you should remind yourself they are led by a man with spectacles. There's too much good about spectacles.

Anyhow, today it was India who was turned into smithereens for a change. Bloody India who almost never lose on their own fields and robbed the Saffers of a Test series victory are now lying in a hopeless rubble and only some Laxman is out to glue them together. All of we have to pray that doesn't happen because that would seriously spoil Chris Martin's heroics.

Chris Martin is the coolest bald ninja on earth. He proved he can survive for plenty of balls and can take 5 wickets in a day without going crazy as a result of the achievement. He radiated so much superhero-ness today that Dan the Man couldn't even act as his sidekick.

That's Chris Martin's move to hit someone in the head.

JesseR and that new guy Williamson deserve lots and lots of praise for their batting work too, together with Taylor and Baz, but nothing would look as great if the Kiwis didn't win this one know.
The only advantage of this would be Jesse Ryder not getting drunk in the celebrations.

But anyhow Blackaps, win it. Just win it.

ICC Oscars and A Twatto Comic

It was the ICC Awards time today and all of you can go now and dance a wild can can with your mom's shoes on and fire crackers even if it isn't Diwali. That is for all you SRT fans. In the meanwhile I'm going to put a few crackers in Swanny's pants.

The super excitement for this super important event couldn't build up the way I wanted because I thought the awards were on the 8th. But somehow, they had them today and they were much more agreeable than last year. Last year was just the time when you wanted to stuff the whole selection panel in Haydos' sweaty shirt and bowl them to Virender Sehwag.

Not this year because the winners chosen makes sense. Kind of.

The ICC Cricketer's of the Year is Tendulkar. Was that even a question? If Tendulkar didn't win this time, war could have been declared on the ICC. He deserved it, simple as that.

For the Tests, Virender Sehwag won. The Indians are really ruling this thing, just as Sehwag rules every bowler who thinks can bowl to him. But boy, this man was amazing throughout the year. I just hope he is tired now and plays rubbish when India visit South Africa. Otherwise Harro's World Cup dreams are going to be entirely ruined.

The ODI award went to AB de Villiers. Aha. Finally a Saffer. Some might say he was the wrong guy to be chosen for this, but he gobbled up a whole lot of runs this year so he deserved it. Talking of AB, I've no idea how his performance on stage went, but even hearing about it was a complete shocker. I can smell Lee burning from here. Learn the virtues of sharing Binga, is it the end of the world if AB too becomes India's favourite out-of-country singer boy?

There is something about Twatto too. He wasn't spotted at the Awards, but he knows all about it and is very concerned.

It's Australia vs India. It's Epic.

It's those times of the year again when India will be playing Australia. Or Australia playing India.
Cricinfo tells you to 'whet your appetite' for this fantastic contest because this is going to more epic than Mickey Mouse killing Goliath. How many double tons will Tendulkar score? How many more times will Bhajji get Punter's wicket? Will Roy appear from beneath the pitch with his super human abducting machine and take his best friend to the Planet of Apes? Will we see Matthew Hayden in the commentary box?

Don't get too ahead of yourselves. Bhajji might not even play which means half of these events can't happen. Bhajji is such an influencing obnoxious weed that we need him everywhere for the grand entertainment.
Secondly, Ricky has emphasized that he wants these series to be played in the 'right spirit of cricket'.

"You've got to expect that it's going to be a fierce contest because you've got two very good teams playing international sport. But both teams will understand that they can't overstep the line. There's enough negativity around the world at the moment about international cricket that we have to do the best we can in this series to ensure that people want to watch the game again. There's no doubt that things have been tarnished a bit the last few weeks."

So that's Ricky for you saying he will have nothing to do with any monkey business. Cricket's life is at stake here so understand how crucial everything is.

"What? Me sledging? I don't even spit in my hands anymore, I've got a contract with the Pope you know."

I wonder how the Indians are going to deal with this. They might be getting a ton of inspiration and ideas from the Chennai Super Kings who won two trophies in one year. Be ready to see replications like these:

Playing like total SUPER kings.

Waterboy Yuvraj and his Mature Musings

Yuvraj Singh is no longer a snappy dynamite. He’s doing a makeover and becoming a team man, mentor of younger Indians and mature gentleman.
But he will still be waterboy and carrier of drinks if it pleases the selectors. For the Test series against Australia it has, because there’s a new bloke appearing and so Yuvraj’s been dropped. And he’s handling it like an overly-suave can-do guy.

And he’s reading these days. Something called "Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps".
Bloody hell. I need to send him with John Buchanan over to teach the Poms, they will be such a fantastic duo.

But coming to Cricinfo’s interview; there’s a whole lot of interesting stuff in it. At some stages you would even be surprised why Yuvi didn’t transform into an ogre and run away with the interviewer’s head or even try using one of his eyeballs for an aperitif. But that’s because waterboy is now a new Yuvraj and currently heading an Enlightenment programme.

According to Waterboy, never come to the "Oh shit, man, I can’t do this anymore" stage.
This is the stage where your skin grows wrinkly, brain starts to retard and you’re basically this wrung piece of cloth that can’t bowl or bat without breaking a rib or two.
So according to Yuvraj the solution is to arrive at the "Oh shit, I’m being total shit but I’m young enough to get over it" stage, which happens at your near-thirties.

When asked about the obnoxious nincompoops in the crowd, this is what he had to say:
"I wasn’t reacting to that at all. The crowd behaviour was very abusive, not to me but to other players, so all I said to the security chief, all I did was say, put in a complaint to the ICC - that the crowd was bad."


You have to do stuff the official way; no intermediaries just a straight objection sent to the bosses and job done. Not even a mention of the brouhaha about you being called waterboy. Excellent.

Then comes the next question where he’s asked about being involved in any finger pointing.

"This is all media speculation. They always make it up... okay, I mean, most times stuff is
made up. The same thing happened in West Indies when we went to eat after a match. There was no fault of the players. Cricketers are playing for India. You have a responsibility as ambassadors and we don’t do these things. Everybody has a temper, but I keep my temper in check."

He gets a bit incoherent here, such as talking of how responsible representatives such as his teammates don’t get involved in pub fights, but then only stressing how he controls his temper. As long as it doesn’t get lost, that is. So I’m still inclined to think something rowdy did happen in the West Indies and maybe Nehra was thrown out of the windows after all.

Then Yuvraj also mentions why he looks like a pissed off all the time
It’s because it’s part of the strategic thinking during a match.
Of course you have to laugh occasionally too, which is exactly what Waterboy tells you to do. He’s mature now and knows laughing is good for health.

"Laugh like a real can-do guy:  Me!"

India's Pre-World Cupisitis

The Indians are really getting themselves in a whole lot of unneeded mess, but that doesn’t mean you can laugh. Laughing at the handicapped or sick is a sin, so I’m advocating you not to make fun of the Indian team because they’re suffering from a very weird illness. One if you got, you’d probably chain yourself to the hospital bed and cry to be operated at even your toenails. So, don’t laugh.

It’s something called the pre-World Cupisitis Syndrome. No, you don’t get slimy warts and pimples on your face, neither does hair start growing in your mouth, but it’s terrible all the same.

Very, actually. It caused India to plunge twice to scores in the tri-series that you’d better want to hide away. It’s something that makes your legs shudder from excitement, blinds you after the bowler’s run up and glues your feet to the crease.

It also acts like some kind of laxative, so batsmen always quickly have to make it back to the pavilion. Otherwise...well I don’t need to tell you that, do I?

After taking control of the physical abilities of players in a cricket ground, it slowly creeps up to the brain and causes disorders. A few have already been affected.

Such as Dhoni, who now thinks being the number one ODI batsman will cause additional pressure. And Jadeja who’s having endless reveries of getting the ICC emerging Player of the Year Award. Even Yuvi has started to get nightmares of carrying water bottles over broken ice rinks.

And the scary thing is, it might get even worse. So worse, that I’ll secretly be glad because the Saffies can then easily defeat them in the upcoming series and smugly claim to be the best side in the world. Or better not. They always play like rubbish when they think they are the best.

And in case you’re wondering, pre-World Cupisitis isn’t contagious.

Pre-World Cupisitis: causing excitement till your head cracks

It’s good to be without a Number One

There isn’t a best team in cricket.
Yes, the ICC Rankings tell you so, but don’t believe everything what the ICC says. The ICC might even tell you the tooth fairy still exists and that the campaign of getting cricket to Rio Grande in the south and the borders of Russia in the north is going extremely well.

If you quit watching cricket a few years back, tired of watching the Aussies making a merry potpourri of every team they faced, then I call you back, happily announcing that the bad times are over. The bad times were one team looked over the rest like a Genghis Khan, and the rest could just silently murmur their prayers.

Now it’s a time where about some 4-5 teams are sitting at a round table with equal artillery at hand, battling it out to be the best. It makes for some bloody nice competition where they all get involved in a mad fight, you only see mowing arms and clouds of dust, and then all come out, battered and bruised. And then you still don’t know who the best is.

It also means you can shove them into another fight without the results being predictable. A skinny guy might actually give a bigger bully a bloody nose, ask Australia. It’s often good competition with interesting cricket, and now who doesn’t want that?

Of course with a vacancy at the No. 1 spot some have resorted to bragging and trying to get there with the big words. Which is wrong, because there is no best team:

Australia are only a silhouette of their past, they lost an ODI series to the Pommies, a Test to the Stanis and still haven’t won a T20 cup.

India’s bowlers are being put in a grave by the Lankan batsmen, and until they can’t creep above the sand, India won’t be number one. Even if they have a batting order that beats an elephant in weight.

South Africa suck this year and still don’t have a trophy in their cabinet. They’ve got good gadgets at their hand, but need to utilise them better. I seriously won't mind these big-tournament plonkers to become the No. 1, but for now it's only a pipe dream.

And about the other teams, I don’t need to explain. Not that they’re bad, I just don’t feel like it, and me telling you they aren’t the best either is enough. Isn’t it?