The Current Ashes Show for the Aussies

Australia lost. And they're lost about selection.

Ricky clearly doesn't like it.

The Aussie press didn't like it any more, so they've gone off to their fat files of lambasting articles which they of course had already prepared before the Ashes started.
Boy, were they furious. Just look at the headers:

"The Ashes? Forget it-this side would be lucky to beat Bangladesh"

"Australian cricket has become a product of rampant self-indulgence"

"Let's rearrange the deckchairs in the Australian team",

.....and on, and on. Just can't put my head in all of them.


It's understandable that one does indeed want to play the role of a little whinger when witnessing a performance as abysmal as Australia's, but more important than this, there's the team itself. Yes, the Aussie team combination, the question of whether tiny Hughes or Khawaja opens, whether they realise North isn't a cent worth, and whether they should pick Warne or Hauritz.

Just damn that last question, how it even became a question is ridiculous. As if the current Aussie team doesn't feel demoralised enough already.

About the second speculation the news doesn't seem positive, as this is what Ricky's got to say:
"He'll be a bit disappointed with his week's work here.I still believe that he's got great value to the team."

Ricky, may you please elaborate what value? Because I can honestly assure you he'd bring greater value as runner boy for drinks. Just give it a try.

And before academic books drag me away (they're true criminals), I have to say it's time they picked Nate again and actually persisted with him for a while. Not some other spinner picked out of obscurity, please.

Australia's Mounting Misery

It's one of those times of the year when exams are around. They're niggardly scoundrels, I'm telling you.

They can't however provide me the relief of staying oblivious of what shambolic hotchpotch show the Aussies are currently staging in Brisbane.

I can already hear it gurgling and boiling disgustingly.

Stir...stir....Dougie hair...sizzle Siddle....Ricky spit....prrrrtttt....bloOp.

I hope you get the idea of disgusting now.

But sometimes one needs to play the role of a goofy optimist, which is EXACTLY what I'm going to do. The Huss will break Brian Lara's record. North will pinch Sachin's bat, score a hundred and never be dropped from the side. (Wait, that isn't optimistic, but Australia have driven me to the extent of making such predictions, strangle THEM if you want).
And on the last day Warnie will jump out of the commentary box and bowl out the Poms.

That's how crooked Nostradamus Nutjob predictions are. They're crooked, but nice. Nice is nice.

Ricky Ponting doesn't want his Job

Out for a 10. And that too on a ball which wasn't outstanding.

Makes you think whether Ricky is too keen on his job or not. He himself said he'll be made the worm on a fishing rod if the Aussies get their bottoms kicked in the Ashes this time around. Alright, he didn't say that, but he believes it's going to be adieu for ever if such happens. So why Ricky didn't you score as much as the Huss did? Why did you have the countenance of a grumpy toad when North got out? (come on, own up you knew all the way he was going to be his usual rubbish self. Until the last innings of the last Test arrives of course.)

I haven't even got to Clarke then. Another bloke who doesn't want the captaincy it seems. It might be back trouble, but Pup since a long while hasn't looked vicious at all. But I don't exactly blame the guy for it, he's unconsciously internalised the role of a puppy now and there's not much one can do about that.

Contrary to much of the crappy batting described until now, the Huss was party swinging at the Gabba and together with Katich and Houdini Hads given Australia a goodish kind of score. Now here's a guy who really wants to have a place in the team, hurray!

The Poms won't be pleased, but if the Huss goes early in the morning things might cheer up for them a bit. And then we'll have Finn jumping 6 feet in the air again.

The picture of the day belongs to him, by the way.

And my word, if you half close your eyes you'll see he looks a bit like a mystic fellow with legs half the lenght they should be. And shoe prints stamped on his bottom.

Marcus North cannot be deciphered

Marcus North is a strange guy. When I saw him playing for the first time against South Africa, I thought he was a friggin fantastic player because he scored a hundred against the odds. Since then,  I'm trying to make up my mind whether he's this superman who still hasn't unleashed all his potential, or he's just a scum who should be a part of Warnie's pizza.

North plays in a very unusual rhythm, most of the time he's basically crap, but when he feels that the world is going to turn up at his door next day and after strangling him in his bedcover throw him in the Lake of Loch Ness, he decides to do something strangely wonderful. Like hitting a century when one is needed. Or taking six wickets and getting his name on the Lord's honour board. Or flying in a red cloak around to distract opponents.
You can see it happening, his strangeness is already messing up my mind.

There's a phantom under his helmet to which he's talking to.

Today he was this plain weirdo again and scored a hundred against India. Which means the selectors are not going to drop him for the Ashes and the smart badass manages to retain his place again. And possibly all at the cost of having another shit run again before scoring a ton in the third Ashes Test and being considered brilliant for a while.

What it is with North remains to be deciphered, but it's an incomprehensible mystery we might have to put up with till he retires. (Yes, he is going to RETIRE not going to be kicked out of the team because his strange playing ways make it impossible.)