On Choking And A Saffer Problem

Time I finally wrote about a few horrors.

The first horror I had *that* day was the obnoxious catapulting of this tennisball of a thought in my head "Now I'm going to have to hear that word again." It sometimes feels even worse than South Africa actually losing.

I've read writers rambling about removing the choker word from cricket's lexicon because it's become cliché, but don't expect journalists to abide by that anytime soon. Oh no, the word choker alone induces a series of uncontrollable laughter and images of slap-stick comedy losses performed by the Saffers over years. Don't let's do away with that.

The thing is, if choking is just a form of losing, and one where a loss occurs for a team that was expected to win and among other things succumbed to anxiety and agitation, then it would be a pleasure if it were used for other teams as well. Because every other team now and then loses this way. So maybe South Africa did choke that day, but so have others. For examples, read the King's post.
For now, I'm stopping about this exhaustive thing.

Coming to serious business, South Africa do have some genuine problems and the biggest one is that their middle/lower order is like pudding for kids. Too wobbly, too unstable.
Interestingly, it's one of the reasons Boucher was left mulling in SA, so we could have a bazooka of a batsman taking over and stabilize this order. Didn't happen then because neither Faf nor Ingram nor Van Wyk are superman batsmen. They're okay, but just not blokes like Razzaq or Mussey. And blokes like them we need.

It's not a question of skill I reckon, but it's like they're too afraid to parade around relentlessly with a bazooka. You need guts for that and currently they're doing a good job of not employing those. Wimpiness is our middle order's greatest weakness now I think, and though it's not impossible to win a World Cup while that factor remains, it can make the task a whole lot difficult. And it's not as if it isn't difficult enough already.

So to our batsmen, go borrow a few matchsticks from Cap'n Shahid and have a few fireworks. Fireworks looks pretty.

Pretty indeed.

Let's Kill the Chokers, People Say

The dear Protea boys always turn into overnight villains whenever they lose a close one. And there's no greater pleasure than seeing the many villainous shapes they take before their staunchest, die-hard supporters.

I collected a bunch for your pleasure:

"SMITH AT HIS PERSONAL BEST DOING WHAT HE DOES SO WELL PLAYING HIS ONE MAN GAME NO MATTER WHAT TAKING TOOOOOOO LOOOOOOONG TO MAKE RUNS FIRE THE MORON HE ONLY HAS PERSONAL RECORDS NO TROPHYS FOR THE TEAM OR SA IDIOT." 

Didn't I say before Biff would me made a square-headed idiotic calf for whatever happened? Yes? Yes.

"The Proteas did it again; managed a loss when it was impossible to achieve that... how do I explain that to my chimpanzee?"

That's strange. I didn't know people keep chimps as pets, and even if they did that chimps ask explanations for everything.


"What kind of proteas are these?

Certainly not King proteas.
More like Blushing Bride proteas.
A pathetic performance from a bunch of over-hyped primadonnas."

Blushing Bride proteas, I like that. I'd give anything to see Biff in a bride's wedding gown.

It's odd, these comments make it feel as if these fellows only start watching cricket as soon as our Proteas start losing. Because then they can be bashed, criticized and after having been cut into pieces, fed to little tiddlefish. Don't even mind them winning more games than losing, really don't...

SA aren’t chokers

So says Steyn.
And I think he’s got a fair point.

Of course as a dinkum spectator who believes your eyes haven’t been watching lies you’ll shout they are. Yes, yes, bottling it in every tournament, reaching plenty of semis, always waltzing down in a crazy frenzy down the stairs at the end despite being the giant steamroller of the tournament; reminds you of chokers, right?

If I were a fair-weather supporter of this team, I’d be calling them the same (okay, I confess, I’ve had, but only at the moments when they were messing it up- I turned all good the next day). They can be an exasperating lot at times, but this choker word just doesn’t do it for me. I don’t spit out my annoyance that way. I’d rather give them a beating in real.

Okay, now what Steyn said is that this whole choker thing ‘sucks’ especially considering the majority of Sa’s squad have never played in a World Cup. He’s right, but the choker tag has become an inevitable mention with team SA, even though the new guys aren’t responsible for what their predecessors did. But it’s so demoralising that if they were an army, it would be like their tanks had gone on a holiday a day before battle. It’s unfair.

There have got to be some ways to do away with their incomprehensible big tournament bad luck (I’m deliberately avoiding the c word), but that will be for another day. Just don’t anyone suggest a Heimlich manoeuvre.

"DARE YOU USE THAT C-WORD AGAIN!"