Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Smith quits as T20 Cap'n

People love retiring these days. It’s so in vogue, so fashionable and why not do it when people start loving you better then? Biff said “Hell yes!” and he quit captaincy in the T20s. He thought a bit about his poor team and decided in ODIs it would be after the World Cup. He would get kicked out in any case if the Proteas lose again.

People also love speculating a lot and wonder why Cap’n Biff retired. I’m going to pull together a list again ranging from the credible to the incredible:

* 7 years is a long time, and Biff got tired of the monotony of the job. Heck, give him a break and let him be batsman alone for a while.

* Biff too has fallen victim to fragilebodyphobia. He wants to play cricket for some 5 or 6 years more which is impossible without releasing the captaincy burden. He might become a Granny Smith prematurely otherwise.

* Biff knows how important it is for kids to grow up and learn, and after they have, throw them out to see how they take on the challenges of a cruel world. Hash, AB or Johan are ripe enough for this he thinks.

* After trolling SA sport sites, Biff knows people don’t love him anymore. Comments like these scared him off:

“Go to hell Smith! you stupid racist that did nothing for transformation. Pls ask your pals Boucher & Kallis to do Cricket S.A a favour & retire from all forms of the games! Bloody chokers!”
(stolen from )

* Biff has run out of excuses and hiding places. After another (hopefully not) tournament defeat he’ll be in serious danger. And Polly just won’t tell in which hole he hid after the 2003 catastrophe.

* Biff competes in everything with Figjam (KP). He wants to show him how much better he is at quitting the captaincy job by doing it gracefully rather than getting sacked after a spat with your coach. (Oh between, Smith is also better at dealing with coaches. Remember how he got Mickey away?)

* Biff’s pie expenditure list has been released and as a captain would have been likely to get more flak for it.

Seems to be more than enough reason for Captain Biff to call it quits. Smart man.

Oh hang on, I just found another comment. Looks great:


Now here’s a guy who knows how to associate pies with Smith.


Stani Army said...

I have a new theory and it's to do with the choke-ability factor. My studies have suggested that the shorter the game of cricket, the closer the match result, the higher the Soufrican choke-ability factor. I think Smithy has had enough of choking at T20.

My results are published next month in the Heimlich Manoeuvre Journal.

sunny said...

Very very interesting observation Stani. Don't forget to send me the published thing!

And since you're such an awesome study geek, could you also formulate a way by which the Saffers never choke again? I'll be very thankful.