Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Twits ban Twitter

It seems like the English are too scared of losing the Ashes.

There’s the hand of a smart bastard like Punter in it of course, who has made Swann, who recently stopped wetting his bed, doing it all over again from fear. Even the rest are sitting like bankrupts now worrying over the 5-0 prediction.

The English Cruel Beast decided to poke it’s unusually long nose again in matters and came up with the formidable idea of banning England’s social network activity during the playing season. Because you never know when a chatterbox leaks a secret.
That’s a brilliant thinking strategy from the ECB.
The smart chaps know all how many historic rulers have suffered from the Twittileak problem.
Such as Napoleon Bonaparte, who tweeted his commanders about the plan to delay the offensive, not knowing the Duke of Wellington had made an account a week before and cleverly read all the plans.
Bloody bloody smart from them.

I think it’s a tad too late though, because the Poms have revealed an awful lot of information already.
Figjam’s bio provides endless sledging opportunities, because he likes to think he’s a ‘proud English cricketer’. Rub that Pommie pride in the mud and you’ve got him.
Jimmy Anderson and Tim Bresnan are another couple of easy partridges.
Swann is even easier. He likes to think of himself as a food connoisseur so all you have to do during the Ashes is, show him a bag of quavers dipped in fanta on the field and then run off and hide it somewhere among the public. He won’t be returning for a day then.
Look at him worrying. He wanted to keep everything secret and now I've busted his plans.

Strangely, the Poms are acting as if the whole ban thing is just a stupid rumour:
Such as Swann says; ‘Rumours of my being banned from Twitter are exaggerated, as are reports that I have been signed by bjorn borg as the next “Borg lunchbox”’
And KP; ‘I’ve also heard the rumours about a ban on twitter, but nothing official.. So business as usual.. Have a good day!!’
The Poms love to be naive, don’t they?

Anyhow, I’m off to collect my cash now from CA for informing them about these top-secrets and then I’ll be made captain of Australia for winning them the Ashes. And Ricky and the Poms can go on crying.


Stani Army said...

But isn't Buchanan gonna hand over all he secrets anyway?

What they should have done is used twitter to throw the Aussies off the scent by making deliberately silly comments like 'Swanny's going to open the batting' and stuff.

sunny said...

Stani, you're officially booked as the English team Twitter coach. Job starts tomorrow.