Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Biff's Hatemail

Sender: Just a Saffa supporter..will make no mention of Minki and your weight.

Hello Boofus Biff,

Did you just notice that nickname? It's alliterative. I love alliterations.

But since you're not a literary person and therefore might get easily bored, I'll quickly jump to the serious business. In addition to that I promised above that I won't mention the fact that you're an absolute walrus who appears to devour watermelons as candies, I will also not try to kill you with online-operated laser technology.

So, it's safe to continue and read. And we can talk serious business.

You've been pretty crap of late, haven't you? I mean, your batting- one hopeless gigantic pile of horrendous crap. I don't know why that might be, cricket experts are telling me it's a temporary mid-career phase and that your average will soon start ballooning again. But...that doesn't solve the problem. Particularly when we are playing a bloody World Cup.

Then there's another problem. We can't drop you because you're the captain. Though I normally support the policy which states that captains are not undomitable creatures who reserve a place in the team for all eternity regardless of how they play, I don't want you to go as yet. You're a bit of a good captain and chucking you out right now would feel like kicking out a senile and rusty emperor in the last year of his rule. That's so very impetuous.

Plus, because of you, Illegal King Hash has to speed his innings and sometimes resort to playing silly shots. The same goes for AB and our 'fantastic four' or top order isn't really a fantastic four when only two dudes are performing, And then our middle order has the capacity of sucking big.

And yes, Jakes is being a fat useless walrus too. But not as useless as you currently.


A serious well-wisher and giver of free advice.

Ps: "Smith is a total chop, if he bates like this in the quarter finals we coming home.Drop the chop now and get someone that can bat.Smith is the ACHILLIS heal of the team"

Pps: I didn't write the above comment. Did you really think my spellings are that bad?


Purna said...

Yeah, the batting's been a bit scary. They all pitched in against India though. But relying on one fantastic performance at a time is not good. And what is wrong with Jakes' running!

sunny said...

One good performance is rarely enough. It's good to see that the lower order is chipping in with small contributions, but the bulk still has to come from the top four.
Jakes' running? He and Smith have to be a pair in terms of that, isn't it?